Excerpt for Starved: A Gay Romance by , available in its entirety at Smashwords

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By Gideon Rathbone

It had been eleven years since I had last had sex. Unlike the stereotypical gay man, I was never on the prowl for sex twenty-four seven even when I had the time. I was never entirely secure with myself, but who truly is? Plenty of guys had told me that I was hot but I’d never seen it. I didn’t think I was hideous, of course. I had always ranked my appearance as average. I was fuckable, but not sensual.

I rarely jerked off, mostly because I was too busy. I hardly had time for anything sexual in those days. I was busy taking care of my parents. My dad was battling colon cancer and my mom had been afflicted with multiple sclerosis for years. With both of them unable to work, I was forced to move back home. My dad was the one that went first, dying quietly in his sleep. It wasn’t a shock to neither me nor my mom, but nevertheless painful. The following years I continued caring for my mom until she too passed as well.

It had been two years since her death and my life had become pretty stale, though I hadn't become aware of it. I had essentially become a robot, locked into a routine of going to work and coming home. Sex or the thought of pursuing a relationship hadn't entered my mind. I wouldn't say I was still mourning, but I had very much so become estranged with my own sexual desires. I mean, I would see a hot guy from time to time but I wouldn't do anything about it. I would keep to myself and just admire him from afar. That all changed when I met Lee.

He entered my life when he started working at the hospital last fall. Being a nurse in the geriatric unit, I saw him daily. Up till then, I had seen plenty of attractive doctors, but Lee was different. He was staggeringly gorgeous. Even dressed, anybody could tell that he was a guy who liked the gym. His scrubs couldn't conceal the magnificence of his large sculpted body. His dark, Italian features made him look exotic and seductive. The manner in which he walked was one of confidence. As if he could easily take on the world single handed if need be. Every so often I would find myself sneaking glances at his crotch. His bulge would sway as he would make his way down the corridors. I'd tell myself to get it together and that there wasn't a chance in hell that a guy as perfect as him would give me the time of day.


I sat by myself in the cafeteria, eating my sandwich and reading the news on my phone. When I looked up Lee was towering over me, a tray of food in his hand.

"May I sit here?"

Even though he had said my name it took me a second to grasp that he was actually talking to me. "Yeah. Sure."

He took the seat across from me and unwrapped his sandwich. Avoiding eye contact with him, I looked down at my food.

"So," he said, "how long have you been working here?"

"Going on six years."

"You're very popular with the staff on our floor. I keep hearing that you're one of the best nurses in our unit."

I blushed a bit. If he was trying to flatter me it was working. I was never great at taking compliments. "I just try and do the best I can."

Lee smiled at me with those deep brown eyes. "I heard that you like Martin Scorsese films."

Who the hell had told him that? I immediately assumed it was one of the nurses in our unit. They were always trying to get me a date. "Yeah, I love his films."

"I just got Mean Streets on Blu-ray. You've seen it? It's one of his earlier ones."

"I haven't."

"Well, since you're not working Friday night and I'm not on call, I figured that you could swing by my place and brush up on your Scorsese."

"How do you know I'm not working Friday night?" I smirked.

"When I see something I want I take the initiative."

Those eyes of his bore into me, triggering a jolt of longing that went straight to my crotch. I was hard. I wanted him to throw me on the table right then and fuck me, not caring about anyone else in the room. I wanted him to ravage me until I was nothing but a trembling, drooling, incoherent mess. He was clearly bold and driven and always got what he wanted and he wanted me. The more I discovered about him the more attractive he became.

I spent an hour Friday evening deciding on what to wear. I ended up going with a simple light blue button down and dark blue jeans. I didn't want to overdo it. His house was a ten-minute drive from mine. Lee lived in an affluent neighborhood. You know… One of those gated communities where only the upper echelons of the middle class had access. His house was almost exactly how I imagined it, classy and elegant. It was a two-story brick McMansion complete with a white sandstone driveway. Already I felt out of place.

Lee answered the door dressed in the same casual fashion I had. He had left the top four buttons of his shirt unfastened, exposing a bit of chest hair. The core of me tingled. I had a weakness for hairy chests. After he took my coat, I followed him into the living room.

"You're hungry? I thought we could order a pizza."

I was hungry, but not for food.

"Yeah. Sure."

He ordered the pizza and then poured us some wine. We sat on the couch and talked while we waited for the food to arrive. I found out all about him. He grew up in a bad part of the Bronx with his mom and three younger brothers. His father left the family when he was eight. He was a bit of a delinquent throughout middle school, committing petty crimes here and there. Finally, he got himself together and graduated high school. He went to NYU and graduated both it and Johns Hopkins at the top of his class.

"So what about you?" he asked with that beguiling look on his face.

I felt a little inadequate after his story. He had faced real adversity. All I had ever done was support and care for my parents. Eventually, I spilled my guts.

"It's nothing compared to what you've faced," I finished.

"Don't ever say that." His tone was stern, like I was a toddler that had just done something wrong. "It takes a lot of strength to do what you did without breaking down."

"I suppose."

Lee looked at me. His eyes scanned my face, searching for something. "You've never allowed yourself to mourn, have you?"

I laughed a bit. "I've mourned."

"I don't think so."

"Well, it's not like I've had the time."

"You do now."

He placed his hand on my shoulder. This small gesture of concern was enough for me to break down in a flood of tears. I covered my face.

"No," he said, removing my hands and pulling me into an embrace. "It's alright. It's okay."

I felt safe in his arms, like nothing at all could harm me here. Lee wiped away the tears and I apologized.

"There's no need to be," he assured.

I lunged at him. I usually wasn't this forward when it came to dating and my love life but he had awoken something in me. Something I didn't even know I had. I had been the dutiful son that took care of his mom and dad in their time of need and I didn't regret that at all but now it was my turn. I needed him. I needed his body. I needed his cock. I needed it now! Shit, I had earned it.

His hands went straight for my shirt. Still fully engrossed in our kissing, he tried to undo my shirt.

"Fuck it."

Buttons flying everywhere, he tore my shirt open and tossed it on the floor. We kissed and fumbled and stripped. He threw me back on the cushions of the couch and he came after me. Naked, we went back to making out. I put my arm around his neck, determined not to let him go. His fingertips traced my chest. His face buried in my neck. It was then that I fully appreciated the glory of his nakedness. He had the body of a gladiator. His thighs were big and firm. His arms were powerful and large. His chest muscles exquisitely defined under a perfectly trimmed layer of dark hair.

I ran a hand down his chiseled torso, reaching for his cock. He was large, thick, and rock hard. I could feel the veins of his rod pulsate with excitement. For a moment I wondered whether I'd be able to take him. If I couldn't, he'd make me. I wanted him to devour me, possess me fully, and push me beyond my limit. Lee's mouth found my chest. His tongue teased a nipple, while his hand squeezed the other. My hands entrenched in his full head of untidy hair, I gasped.

"You're okay?"

My face flushed with ecstasy, I looked down at him. His dark brown eyes filled with concern.

"I'm fine," I told him weakly. "Don't stop."

He smiled and kissed my stomach. "This is your first time?"

"No," I assured, "but it's been a while."

"How long?"

A little embarrassed, I shrugged. "A little over a decade."

This didn't faze him. In fact, it turned him on more. A smirk appeared on his face. The concern that had filled his eyes was washed away with a hungry animalistic desire. "Looks like tonight's all about you."

Lee further traveled down my body. He grabbed my cock, taking me into his mouth fast and hard, his tongue encircling me as he nursed. His head bobbed up and down, doing fast but thorough strokes with his hand. His fingers caressed my torso as he continued his torture of me. I reach down to touch his head but he pins my wrist to the bed. He meant it when he said that tonight was all about me. It was all about my satisfaction, my gratification, my reawaking of self.

My body trembled as I began to reach the zenith of pleasure. Realizing this, he relinquished me. I looked down at him somewhat annoyed that he had stopped. My point of no return had only been moments away.

"What?" I asked, breathlessly. "What happened?"

"This is your first time in years," Lee murmured. "I'm not gonna let you come that easy."

He flipped me onto my stomach. His hands going straight for my ass, he toyed with my hole with his fingers and then his tongue. His chin stubble tickled me as he worked his way in. I bit back a moan as he lapped and teased at my most intimate of places. The tip of his cock brushed against my opening.

"Put it in me," I begged.

I could feel Lee grinning. "Not yet, baby. Not yet."

His large fit frame covered mine, crushing me. Our sweat mingled. He brought my face to his kissing me deeply, grinding his hips against my ass in that magnificent rhythmic motion.

"Fuck me."

Running his tongue about the nape of my neck, he ignored my pleadings. He started working his way down.


His tongue traveled across my shoulder blades and then achingly down my back. I shuddered as I felt him tracing my spine, taking small intervals to kiss and bite at me. The agony of it all was going to drive me insane. I grabbed an ass cheek, opening myself up for him. I was ready. I was prime. I wanted him in me now.

Smirking, he bit a lip and slapped his thick member against my hole. He finally stuck the head of his cock in before gradually pushing himself all the way in. I stifled a gasp. He was huge. The biggest that I had ever had. I took deep breaths and I felt his warmth envelope me again.

His soft voice came out of nowhere. "You're okay?"

I nodded. He needn't have asked. "Do whatever you need to."

Lee's hips started to move, his thrusts measured and gentle. I lifted my ass towards him, letting him know that it was all his. I bit the cushion as his cock continued to hit that tender spot within me. His power became vigorous. The sounds of his pelvis slapping my ass filled the room. I wanted him to unleash everything he had on me. I craved to be his sexual punching bag. A firm grip on my shoulders, he forced me to take every inch of himself. His massive dick sailed past my prostate, nurturing an already prominent and delicious sensation in my groin. I tried my best to retain my bearings, but it was almost impossible. He grunted into me, fucking me hard. Pillaging my hole. Pulverizing my ass. I wanted to cry out, but I didn't. I wanted to let everybody in the neighborhood know what Lee was doing to me. How I was the one that scored the epic prize. I wanted him to tear me apart. I wanted to be his sex slave. I wanted to be the only one he would come to and release all of his aggression out on.

"Don't hold back! Give it to me! Give me all of it!"

Without warning, he pulled out and flipped me onto my back. His forehead was drenched with sweat. Lee grabbed my hips forcing me into his lap, facing him. He gave me a searing kiss, biting my lip playfully in the process. His warm breath grazing my face, I closed my eyes as I rode him. I wanted to be immersed completely in the wondrousness of his lovemaking.

"Look at me!" he said rather harshly.

I do as he says. Sweating, he looks me right in the eye.

"I want to look at me when you come."

I fixed my gaze on him allowing our souls connect. His hands held my hips, guiding me smoothly onto his cock. Lost in the vastness of his eyes, I didn't know where I was for a moment. He was determined to dominate me fully and entirely. His cock continued to invade me, obliterating the melancholy that had plagued me for so long. My balls swelled and my dick stiffened further. I wanted to come so badly but I held back. I shuddered.

"Let it out," said Lee keeping our eyes connected. "It's alright. Let it out!"

I wanted to but I couldn't. Something was holding me back. Fear? Insecurity?

He removed my hands from his shoulders, forcing me to ride him completely. My hole choked on his thick shaft. His eyes pierced my being shattering whatever barriers that had been. "Let it out! I want you to let it all out!"

As our souls converged we both screamed, absolving all of our grief, our anxiety, and our repressed desires. My dick exploded, christening Lee's chest with cum. My hole flooded with his seed. The core of my being shook. The person I had been was no more. I was no longer Bradley the son, the cook, the caretaker, the one that held it all together. I had experienced a resurrection of the purest sense. From that pit of suffering arose a new person. One with the freedom and the option to do whatever he wanted. The world was now my oyster.

I looked down at Lee. His head rested against the back of the couch. His breaths were deep and ragged. In a haze from the euphoria, he smiled. Grabbing the back of my neck, Lee pulled my face to his and kissed me tenderly. Together we laid on the couch, his arms around me. His fingers carefully caressed my chest. His nose grazed the nape of my neck. We quickly dozed off, drunk with passion. The bliss of our slumber was shattered when we heard the doorbell. A laugh escaped both of us. We had totally forgotten about the pizza.

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