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She Says And I Say!


Mario V. Farina

Copyright 2018 Mario V. Farina

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Mario V. Farina


I can't help thinking about it. Maisie left me several weeks ago. I thought she'd be begging to come back by now, but it hasn't happened yet. I know she will do this, and I gotta be able to handle it right when she does.

She'll say, "I'm back," and I'll say, "I knew you would be! It was just a matter of time. I guess you decided I wasn't such a bad guy after all! Yeah, I missed you. For a little while, then I got used to being alone."

That will stun her. Right now, I don't know if she'll come back. But, I gotta practice a conversation I might have with her if she does show up. I need for her to come back real bad! But I can't tell her that up front! She might wanna pay me back for some of the stuff that happened between us before she left. I gotta play the waiting game for now.

I'm guessing my first remark will be a good start. I'll continue by making a smart move by saying, "I guess you figured out all that business about me not paying attention to you, and being out with the guys all the time, and not knowing where I was most of the time, was just so much malarkey. You just had to make a big fuss of it. I guess you found out that being alone is not very pleasant. I may not have been much, but you found out I was a lot better than a most of the guys that you might've gone out with over the last couple of weeks."

I gotta face that she may have tried dating. She's cute-looking, I gotta admit.

Then, she might think about what I said, and she would say, "You're right Bob. You were, and still are, a great catch! I didn't know what I had until I lost it. Now I wanna come back, that is, if you'll have me."

Boy, that would be complete surrender! Wouldn't I have fun with that!

"Well," I'd say, "things have been going pretty good with me since you went away. I've gotten to enjoy it a lot. Yeah, we can talk about you coming back. Maybe in a couple of weeks."

If she has surrendered, I could beat her right into the ground! But, I gotta be careful. I need her bad! I mustn't jinx that!

She might say, "not that long, please, Bob. You don't know how much I've missed you. I'd like to stay with you tonight. If you say yes, I'll make you real happy!"

I mustn't overplay my advantage. I'll pretend like I'm relenting a little, and say, "OK, but only on a trial basis. If things don't work out, you'll have to go!"

That trial basis remark would make a nice touch. If I'm able to say this, I'll be in complete control! Boy, wouldn't that be super!

She might say, "I'll be good. I promise. Please let me stay!"

Now, I could ask for the moon, and she'd give it wrapped in blue ribbons!

I'd say, "Are you sure you'd behave?"

But, wait a minute! Maybe, she'd think I'm being too rough and stiffen her back. Maybe, I should just say that it's OK to come back. It might not be a good idea to be too harsh.

I don't know, maybe she won't say she wants to come back right away. Maybe she'll try to justify why she ran out on me. Maybe she'll say, "I haven't been having it too bad, either, buster!"

Maybe she's had a few dates. Maybe, the guys were pretty nice. Maybe they brought her flowers. She was wound up because I never gave her flowers. Actually, I never gave her nothing. No birthday presents. No card on Valentine's day. Maybe she'll bring all of this up!

I'd say, "I admit I had a few faults, Maisie. But, you know how busy I was. Always on the go. Bringing home money for you, so that you could have your hair done, and all that stuff women do. Yeah, maybe I was a little tight with the scratch. I lost a bunch at the races and the guys cheated with the poker games. But I was well on my way to winning it all back. Maybe you've got a point about me being a little chintzy, but I was OK in a lot of other ways, wasn't I?"

When I say this, it'll show how gracious I am about accepting some of the blame.

Maybe she'd say, "You ignored me. You were self-centered. Everything had to be your way. Maybe I was justified in going away. I'm not sure why I came here today."

Wow, if she says that, she may getting ready to go on the attack. There's a lot of stuff she could bring up. I'd have to distract her from using this path!

I could say, "Everybody thinks about themselves first. That's the way the world works. But you gotta admit, you being second in your life with me was not bad for you! You never had it so good!" I think that would sound convincing.

Maybe she'll bring up the drinking. Maybe she'd say, "You drank too much. After a while you began to smell like a beer barrel. I hated you coming near me!"

God, she'd have me there! She might bring up all those times I got arrested for DUI, losing my license, having to drive me to court. I gotta keep her mind offa that!

Maybe, she'd say, "Being around with you was no picnic for me. The least little thing made you mad. You'd scream at me for no reason! You were always making me feel small. Not worth nothing!"

I'd have to counter-attack. I could say. "I had good reasons for acting that way. You weren't a bundle of joy, yourself, lovie. You got mean when I was mean! Is it any wonder I would roll out the beer barrel when you hollered back at me? Drinking during them times would put me to sleep, and I could go into dreamland and dream about women you only find in dreams. How do you like them apples?"

That would be strong! I'd be telling her that dreamland women were more acceptable than her in real life!

She might say, "I don't like what you're saying! And I didn't like it when you oggled at them girls when you sat on the stoop and watched them going to work."

She would be right on that! Yeah, I did eyeball them! She would bawl me out about this a lot!

I could say, "Can you blame me if I have an eye for beauty. Believe me, if I was a judge making a decision about you, the best I could say would be, ugly!" Hah, that would shut her up about the ogling!

She might try saying, "You were out all night a lot. Probably with fillies. I'll bet you couldn't even count how many women you were with!"

I could zing her with, "I bet I could too count them! And I'm sure glad you were not one of them!"

She might bring up something stupid I done. She might say, "Well, you could, at least, explain that woman's cigarette case I accidentally found in your jacket pocket!"

That would be a bad one. I'm not sure how I could handle that one! I might try something like, "She was a nothing dame I met at a bar one night. She was smoking, and I was trying to talk her out of it. She said we should go to her house and discuss it. I was fool enough to believe that we were going to talk about her smoking, but she had other things in mind. As soon as I found out her intentions were amorous, I got out of her house as soon as I could. I was accidentally holding the cigarette case at the time, and put it in my pocket. I was planning to return it as soon as I could."

I'm not sure Maisie might not believe this one! She might say something she thinks would be clever, like, "I'll believe that when I see cows on the moon!"

I'd try to sound sincere and say, "It's the truth, Maisie! You're not going to let a little thing like this keep us apart, are you? You know how much I've always loved you!" I gotta try something lovie-dovie!

She might say, "If it was only that, you might get away with it, but I heard through the grapevine there was a thing about a hit-and-run you got involved in. I don't see why I should have any part of this. Maybe after this is settled, we can talk me coming back." If she knows about me getting arrested, I'll be in trouble.

I could try saying, "Maisie, it was a minor thing. I was able to borrow some dough from the gang and get bailed out. My trial will be in couple of weeks, and I'm sure I'll be found innocent!" I don't dare tell her how bad this really is!

She might say, "I hear there were injuries. You're likely to go to jail!"

And I'd say, "Yeah, but only if I'm found guilty. The gave me a public defender. He told me if I get convicted, I might only get five years."

She might say, "What do you expect me to be doing while you're leading the life of a jail bird."

Now I could appeal to her merciful side, "You could consider visiting me and bringing me stuff I need. Prisoners don't get a lot of extras behind bars."

And she might say, "And I suppose you want me to pay the rent and the car insurance and all the other expenses?"

"Of course," I'd say. "It's your responsibility to be a good wife! I'd do the same for you if you were in jail!" I could appeal to her sense of fairness!

"I won't never be in jail, buster!" she might say. She might even say, "This talk with you has showed me again what a beast you were. I think I hate you more now than I did when I went away".

"You don't dare hate me," I'll holler. "I'm basically a good guy inside. Everybody knows it!" By this time everything around me might be starting to fall apart.

She could zing me with, "How could anybody know you were a good guy? You never let on!"

I might try begging a little. I'd say, "Please Maisie. Have some pity? I need you. I love you! I can't get along without you. If you don't come back, I'll die!"

"Die, then!" she might yell.

My God! If she says that, I wouldn't know what to say! It would mean she probably knows all the rest there is! I'm a dead goose!

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