Excerpt for Not a "LOVE" Story by , available in its entirety at Smashwords

Not a "LOVE" Story

Copyright 2018 Amy Sparks

Published by Aria Grey at Smashwords

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"Shut. Up. Chris." I lift the covers over my head as I block the sunlight from my face and also the noise that's coming out of Chris' mouth. It's about eight in the morning and of course, Chris, my roommate, and best friend, just barges into my room like he owns it. He comes into my room every day, every morning at this shitty time so I could go to school.

Lucky for him, I don't even go to school. Okay, okay, yeah, I'm on campus and basically am already in College, and this is my second year, but somehow I don't give a fuck about it. Last year I did so amazingly in all of my courses, that I just don't know what happened. Not one clue.

"You idiot. Get up." He throws a pillow at my head and I flick him the middle finger.

"No. It's Monday and I don't want to get up." Chris groans and I continue to pretend to fall asleep.

"You idiot, it's Friday. You're so dumb that you don't even know what day it is of the week? Get up before I kick your little ass." I don't even move and I'm praying that Chris is gonna leave any second now so I can actually sleep without him yelling in my damn room.

"So that's that huh? Oh my god Carter, if you don't wake up any second now, I'm going to do something that you're going to regret not waking up."

"Do it. I don't give a fuck." It's the middle of summer and I'm boiling in here but I'm not going to lift up my covers to proof Chris that I'm going to school or anything. That boy can leave and study the hell he wants in his classes. I don't care. I shut my eyes and I open up as soon as I feel the cold, icy water hit my head. I jump up and tear the covers off of me.

My sheets are now soaking wet, my hair is now drenched in cold water and I shiver as I shake my head like a dog. I turn to look at Chris and all he does is laugh. He laughs as he thinks this is the funniest goddamn thing in the world, and I'm sitting here drenched in water and imagining what would happen if I pulled his eyeballs out.

"You little bitch. If you think that's going to make me go to school, you’re wrong. I'm going back to bed." I grab the sheets but then throw them on the floor since they're soaked. I run my fingers through my hair and my whole hand gets wet because of it.

"Fine then. Go back to bed. How are you going to sleep with wet boxers though?" I lift my eyebrow at him with a face that shows confusion everywhere.

"My boxers are dry you idiot. What the hell are you talking abo--" Chris pours the bucket of water on my boxers and I yell as it soaks my whole area.

"Now they're not." Chris laughs and I stand up as the water drips onto the floor. Great, now I gotta wipe the floor. Wipe the floor with his fucking hair though.

"Asshole!" I start walking over to him with anger and he runs out of my room as he knows what I'm going to do to him. I chase after him but slip as my whole bedroom floor is wet. I pick myself up right away and chase him downstairs, all the way to the kitchen. I stop as I see him on the other side of the island, and I know for sure that this is going to be fucking tricky. Chris ain't dumb, that's the thing. But I ain't either.

"I'm going to get you, Chris. And when I do, you're going to be lucky that when the police find your dead body, it won't be around this house." Chris laughs as he thinks that I'm joking, but I'm dead serious. Just watch me.

"Good luck trying to kill me, Carter. I'm invincible." If he says so. I crack my neck and Chris cracks his knuckles. Game on. Chris runs to the living room and I chase after him like a lion. He's my fucking lunch right now, and I'm going to get him. Chris runs to the couches and jumps over them and runs away as I get closer to him.

He goes to the poolroom and I swear to god if he breaks the pool table, I'm going to kick him out of my damn house. Chris runs all the way to the pool table and I stop as he picks up one of the balls and throws it at me. I catch it right away and put it back on the table.

"Chris... I swear to god if you throw one more, you're dead." Chris stares at me with a blank face and picks up another ball without even blinking.

"I guess I should start planning my funeral then." He throws the ball with a force that almost hits me in the face. Thankful that I have fast reflexes, I catch the ball right away as it almost hits me in the face. I hold the ball with relief and throw it on the ground.

"You better." I run at Chris and jump on him as I punch his stupid face. I punch him and keep punching him as he starts protecting himself with his arms. He then punches me back in the nose and I swear I heard a crack. I fall back onto the ground and that's when Chris makes his move. As I start to get up he punches me back onto the ground and starts punching me in the face. I hit him in the nuts with my knee and he groans as he falls onto the floor as well. I get up, slowly as my vision is all over the place and I look down at Chris.

"Asshole." I spit blood at him and kick him on the side like he's a soccer ball. If only I had my cleats on, then he'd be crying all the way to his mommy. I wipe the blood off with my arm and walk away from him. I go to the kitchen and grab a water bottle from the fridge and put it on my nose. I groan as the cold touch feels so good on my maybe broken nose.

I go to the sink and wash my face which is extremely gross since this is the kitchen and this is where food is prepared, but I don't care. Hell, I don't even cook. Why the hell do I even need a big ass kitchen for anyway? The front door opens and my eyes wander to the person who just came into my house.

"Holy shit Carter. What the hell happened to you?" I groan and walk over to my cousin, Jack, and give him a brotherly handshake.

"Rough morning then?" I laugh but then stop as the movement hurts my whole face.

"You have no idea." My cousin rolls his eyes and gives me a pat on the shoulder.

"So I guess I should ask where Chris is then because by just looking at your face, Chris must look even worse." I laugh as Jack knows how much stronger I am when I fight. Even with my best friend.

"Pool room. Have fun." I turn away as Jack walks over to the pool room to go see Chris. I grab a bag of peas from the freezer and sit down at the kitchen table as I wait for Jack and Chris. Jack comes in shaking his head with disappointment and in comes Chris behind him, holding his jaw with a black eye forming around his right eye and blood around his mouth.

"Yo," I throw the bag of peas at Chris and luckily he catches it. He places the bag of peas on his face and groans.

"Thanks, shithead." Jack looks at both of us and rolls his eyes.

"Idiots. Both of you. Go take a shower Chris, and change your clothes. They're fucking bloody." Chris looks at him and nods as he throws the bag of peas at him. Jack catches the bag but then realizing that its covered in blood, throws it in the sink.

"You need a damn doctor Carter. I'm taking you to the hospital." Jack stands up but I stop him as I tell him to sit the hell back down.

"No. I don't. I'm fine okay?"

"Fine my ass. You're clearly not okay. How in the hell did you guys even start the fight anyway? You’re twenty-one-year-old Carter. You’re not a kid. Chris isn't either, but we both know that he acts like one." I nod my head as I agree with what Jack just said about Chris. Chris does act like a kid, but I know I don't act like one. Chris just makes me channel the inner kid that's inside of me.

"I'm fine. I told you once and I'm not telling you twice. Now get that through your thick skull and make sure Chris doesn't faint during class okay?"

"You're not going to school?" I shake my head and Jack looks at me with disappointment yet again.

"Why the hell not? You haven't been in school for about two weeks. The teachers are now thinking you died or left the goddamn country! They even called me because they thought I knew something about you not going to school Carter! You're going whether you like it or not." I stand up and walk over to Jack. Jack stands up as well and I know for sure that we're both the same height. Chris is also the same height as us, but I know for sure that I'm about to beat them.

"I'm not going. That's that. Now leave before this will become a fight as well." Jack scoffs and walks away as he bumps his arm with mine.

"Fine. I'm gonna check up on Chris though so I know he didn't faint in the shower or anything. By the way, next time when you're going to fight someone, do it outside. The floor is now covered in blood because of you." I crack my neck as the regret hits me all over my body.

"Can you tell him I'm sorry?" Jack turns around to look back at me and he laughs as I know for sure he's not gonna do it.

"No way. I didn't fight with him, you did. You say sorry to him, don't make me do this. I need to go check on him, Carter." Jack walks away from me and heads upstairs to check on Chris. I sit back in my chair and sigh as I know for sure that I need to say sorry to him. Shit. I stand up and head to the fridge so I could grab something cold to put on my face. The pain is visible and it hurts like hell.

I close the door and as I turn around I see Jack dressed in a different pair of shorts and shirt, and his hair looks wet. He's not bloody anymore, but it does show that it looks like he's been in a fight. There's a bruise on his right eye and his lip is split on the bottom. There's also a bruise on his jaw and I regret everything as I just stare at his face. I walk over to him and I now feel like shit.

"Shit Chris." Chris laughs as he knows that his face looks like shit and knows that everyone is going to be asking him on what happened.

"Man, don't worry. It's my fault. I started this whole fight. Plus, I can't stay mad at you, you're like a brother to me. What the hell would I do without you anyway?" His whole speech hits me straight in my heart and I wish that this fight never happened.

"Dammit, dude. I'm sorry. You're like a brother to me too."

"Sheesh, you both sound like girls. Just hug and get it over with. I need to get to school and Chris does too." We both laugh and I give Chris a manly hug and a pat on the back.

"So you're still not going to school? Even after what I just did to you?" I laugh and shake my head as both of them know what the question is going to be for that answer.

"Nope. You guys go have fun, I'm staying home."

"Come on Chris, we gotta go or we're going to be late. Do me a favor Carter, and don't kill someone while we're gone?" I laugh and groan as my face still has pain from the fight.

"Can't promise you that." They both laugh and yell goodbye at me as they leave the house and me. I watch them get in the car and drive away so they can get to school. We're not even far away from the school, let alone maybe five minutes of walking but these assholes just want to look cool for the girls.

I don't really even use the car just for taking out girls to some fancy dinner so I can just bang them and take the stress away from this shitty life. I shake my head and walk upstairs so I can take a shower and remove these bloody clothes.

I take off my boxers and walk to the bathroom butt naked with no care in the world since I'm the only one in this house. I walk into the bathroom and into the shower as I open the water. The cold water hits my back and I sigh in relief onto how good that feels.

The water then turns warm and that's when I turn around and let the water hit my face. I rub my face and look down as I see my blood going down the drain. I grab some shampoo and wash my hair for only about a minute and then I just shower it off and step out so I can dry myself with a towel.

I turn the water off and grab a towel to dry my hair and body. I wrap the towel around myself and walk to the mirror. I rub the mirror with a towel and I jump as I see my face. I have a black bruise around my eye and a bruise on my jaw with a big split on my lip. Now everyone will know that Chris and I were in a fight.

"Shit," I swear under my breath as the mirror shows a monster, and I know for sure that it's right. I shake my head and grab my toothbrush so I can brush my teeth. As I finish I wipe my brush and my mouth and open the door. I walk to my bedroom and open my drawers to pull out a pair of boxers, shirt, and pants. I drop the towel and put on my boxers as well as my shorts. I put on a polo t-shirt and shake my head as I know just by looking at me that I look like some rich ass kid. I am some rich ass kid.

Just because of my parents for being stupid lawyers and making me. Now, I'm at some top expansive ass college, living in a mansion with my best friend and sometimes my cousin too. People say being rich is one of the best things in the world, but honestly? I sometimes wish I was just poor. At least for just one day.

My phone rings and I leave alone my thoughts and reach for my phone. I grab it off my dresser and check to see that Jack has taken a picture of some girl. A really hot, sexy girl. Now, this is where I'm going to go after this girl and chase her until she has sex with me, but somehow that doesn't work for me anymore.

It used too, but not anymore. This girl also looks one hundred percent fake. Just like the rest of them. Fake boob, fake ass, fake hair colour, and fake everything. Even their personality. I shake my head and text him back saying how hot she is. I send it and of course, Jack sends back a smiley face which means that he's going to go after her. He can have her because I don't want her. I don't want anyone right now because all girls are the same. Same shit as usual and they all want the same thing from me too. Sex.

Not anymore and I know for sure that it's going to happen anyway. I'm going to be drunk and there's going to be a girl and we find a room and then it happens. Of course, it happens. Not sounding like a total guy, but I'm fucking hot. I have a six pack, I'm rich, and my looks are no lie. I look like I deserve to be in some hot guy magazine. Maybe even the sexiest man alive. I throw away my thoughts and rush downstairs so I can go to school.

Yeah, I wasn't even going to go to school today, but eh. What am I going to do anyway all home alone? I can at least go to school to see Jack and Chris and tell everyone that I know that there's going to be a party tonight. A party tonight at my place. And it's going to be awesome as always.


I love myself


"I'm not going," I tell my older sister, Lila, that there is no way am I going to some guy's party. Even though it's happening at some rich kid's house or mansion, I'm still not going. We're at Starbucks right now since we both don't have any classes and I sit down as Lila gives me my coffee.

"Oh come on Taylor. It's not fair. You're such a beautiful girl and you need some guy to pop the deal." My mouth opens and I look around to see if anyone I know is here listening to my stupid sister talk about how I'm still a virgin.

"Can you be any louder? Why the hell do I even have to go to this party anyway?" My sister rolls her eyes and I'm beginning to wonder why I'm not the older one. My sister is a year older then I and my parents were thrilled that I was going to the same college as her. Yup, thrilled.

My sister honestly looks kind of like me but doesn't think like me. I have brown hair and she has a light brown hair colour, yet her hair looks lighter since she keeps on highlighting it. My hair has been natural ever since birth and I'm happy that my hair is still beautiful than other girls. My sister has hazel eyes and I have blue eyes with a touch of green as it reflects in the sun. I'm also taller than my sister which is, of course, a gift from God.

"Taylor, you have to come. I'm going and you can't just stay home all alone in the apartment. You need to stop being a loser and come with me!" I bite my lip and think about how this is gonna work if I come to the party. Nope, this won't work.

"At what house is this party happening?" My sister smiles and this is when I know this is going to be horrible. I sit back and wait for the name to come out of my sister's mouth.

"Carter's house. Duh" My sister laughs and I have no clue onto why she's so giggly about this.

"Carter? The rich kid that every girl on this planet thinks how hot he is? That Carter?" My sister rolls her eyes and I know for sure that I'm right.

"Of course him silly! Do you know any other guy that's named Carter?"

"I know that I don't even know Carter, so no. I honestly don't." My sister kicks my leg and I yell at her since pain is not the best feeling in this world.

"What?" My sister mouths the word "look behind" at me and I really don't want too. I shake my head and my sister kicks my leg again. I mouth the word "no" at her and she kicks it again.

"Fine!" I turn around and that's when I see Carter. He's talking to some of his stupid friends and looking hot as always. For me, I don't really have a thing for guys like him but I'm not gonna lie. He is hot. Extremely hot. I turn to see my sister and she looks so excited about absolutely nothing. Nothing at all.

"So, I'm guessing this is where you're going to explode your feelings about him, Lila?" My sister rolls her eyes again at me and I smile as I know that I'm making her annoyed.

"Nah, he's not really my type. Plus, I already have a boyfriend Taylor." She does have a boyfriend which I know for sure is one of his friends. Not those guys that I saw that were with him, but I know for sure that Lila's boyfriend is friends with Carter. But I know for sure that Carter is definitely her type. Not even close to mine though. That's the difference between me and my sister. Basically everything.

"He is so your type. You're just saying that so I don't go over to Shawn and tell him about what you just said." My sister sticks her tongue at me and that's when I laugh.

"You better not. I'm just saying Taylor, he is hot. Really hot. Fucking hot." I wince as I hear the swear word just pour out of her mouth like it was just a normal word for her. Not for me. I can't stand swear words. I do swear sometimes, but not the bad ones. I swear with purpose, like when I'm mad or when I have a good reason. But my sister, on the other hand, she just says them anytime and any day she wants. So stupid...

"Do you have to say that word? I'm really hoping that Shawn doesn't like you swearing because that's just stupid and weird. The more you swear Lila, the more you sound like your mouth should be washed with soap. Lots and lots of soap."

"You sound like an old lady. You honestly sound like mom. Quit saying that shit and come with me to the party! Please? I can do your makeup and pick a sexy outfit for you and everything. It's going to be so much fun." I groan and pick up my coffee so I can drink it. I swallow basically the whole cup of coffee in seconds because I am so incredibly tired and also I can't listen to my sister anymore. She's making me lose brain cells.

"Stop cussing, sheesh. Let's make a deal okay?" My sister nods but then stops as she tries to figure out what I'm going to do. "Good. I'll go to the party with you, only if you stop swearing for the rest of the day. Now, do we have a deal or not?"

My sister thinks for a minute and I sit back in my chair and wait for either a "yes" or a "no" to come out of my sister's mouth. I'm kind of hoping that she'll say no, but knowing my sister, that won't happen. My sister smiles and I suddenly wanna take back everything and hide under the table.

"Deal. Ah! This is going to be so much fun! Girls night!"

"How is this going to be a girl's night? There's going to be boys there basically giving us drinks so we can get drunk and end up in their bed." My sister smiles and I know for sure that this is going to happen. Lucky for me is that I don't drink. I don't even want to drink. The smell of wine or beer is disgusting, and just taking a shot? Why in the world do I wanna feel my throat burning anyway?

"Please, you don't drink. You'll be lucky if a guy even tries to bring you to his room and have sex with you. But everyone who knows you knows that it won't happen. You're too serious. Let loose. Be like me." I roll my eyes and try to imagine myself being and thinking like Lila. Ugh, that wouldn't work well at all.

"I don't want to let loose and be like you. I like being me. Plus also, even if I came, it wouldn't really matter. I'd feel like an outsider Lila. Just let me stay home."

"Not happening. You promised. We made a deal. Also, I think Carter would really notice you if you'd just put makeup on and wear a slutty dress." I raise an eyebrow at my sister and I stare at her face. Comparing me to Lila's face, there's a difference. I don't wear makeup. Like at all. Lila, on the other hand, wears makeup. Lots of makeup.

I like my face being clear and I don't really care if I have a pimple. I don't even like makeup on me. It's weird and I'm already weird. No need to add more weird to me. It would also take up my time in the morning because I know for sure that Lila wakes up earlier than me to put on her makeup. All I gotta do is take a shower and moisture my face. That's it. Lila, of course, puts on so much makeup, it honestly takes her an hour just to wipe it off.

"A slutty dress? You're not serious. That plus makeup just makes me a slut Lila. I'm not going to become a slut for some party at some guy's house. Count me out." My sister groans and cracks her neck as to relieve some stress that has been caused by me of course.

"Fine. No slutty dress then. What about makeup?"

"No makeup. If you want I'll put on some lip gloss but that's it. I'm not going to look like you okay?" Lila sits back and crosses her arms.

"What's wrong with the way I look?" I smile and shrug as I sip my coffee.

"Nothing. Just the makeup is too much Lila. You look like you want to stand out. Like you want everyone to see you. Only you. I am the opposite of that. I don't want everyone to see me okay? I rather be hidden from the rest of the world than to be seen by it."

"Sheesh, you just had to give a speech on that? Look, if it makes you that uncomfortable going to that party, we can leave whenever you want okay? Deal?" I laugh as Lila laughs as well and I'm happy that Lila is also thinking of me as well. Sometimes I think that this girl just thinks always about her and only her, but now, I'm realizing that she also thinks about me too. I should maybe record this moment and save it on my computer so I can look at this when I'm an old person.

"Deal." And that's that. I can't believe that I'm agreeing to this but maybe it'll be fun. Maybe. Just maybe.


I’m fuc*ed


"Dude, you have to bang her!" I roll my eyes at Chris since I'm not even close to thinking of doing that to this chick.

"Why don't you bang her? Then we can be done with this conversation and you can leave me the fuck alone." Chris laughs but then stops as the expression on his face changes.

"Already did dude. Banged her and left her. You know me. That shit doesn't last and I'd like it to be like that for a very long time." I stop walking as we're almost close to my house but knowing that I can't have a serious talk inside the house with Chris, so might as well do it out here where everyone can see and hear about it.

"You already banged her? Then why the hell do you want me to do it then? If you did it, then I'm good. Plus, I don't really want to have sex with this chick. She looks like every chick that I see on the streets. No thank you." I start to walk and Chris catches up with me and puts his hand on my shoulder.

"What's going on with you? It seems like you don't even want to bang a chick anymore. Are you gay or something?" I stop and turn to look at Chris. This kid has got to be kidding me.

"What? I'm not gay. Why would you even think of that? If I was then I think I would tell you instead of letting you guess if I was you, idiot."

"Well I'm sorry but it's just that you don't sound the same or even act the same. Are you sick or what?" He puts his palm on my forehead and I slap it away.

"No! I'm not sick. Look, I just don't want to do the shit I did in the past okay? It doesn't feel right and I'm tired of banging girls I don't know okay? I'm trying to be different. Why can't you just agree with me on this?" Chris rolls his eyes and walks away from me.

"Fine then. Be different. But if you being different has to do with some girl, then you're out of your mind. Do me a favor, and don't change yourself for some girl that you really like because then I'll beat you until you feel like a piece of shit." I laugh and run up to him as I patted him hard on the back. He groans and looks at me in the eye.

"Dude, don't worry. You know me. I just want to feel better about what I'm doing in life, that's all. Plus, you already beat me to shit about three hours ago you asshole." He laughs as he shakes his head and slaps the back of my neck.

"You know just what to say don't you?" I laugh and wonder if he actually means that, because if he does, then hell yeah, I do know just what to say.

"Come on, we need to get ready for the party. You get all the alcohol you want to put out and I'll get the snacks. Deal?"

"Hell yeah! Deal! You son of a bitch. Let's do this shit and get this over with. I'm going to put some beer out and vodka and we're going to do shots all around this party. Body shots. Let's find some girls at the party and ask them if they want to play with us."

I shake my head as we approach my house and I pull out my keys so I can unlock the door. Chris is somehow jumping up and down like he's some little puppy that's waiting for me to throw the ball at him.

I unlock the door and of course, Chris opens the door first and barges in and to the kitchen to pull out beer bottles and cases from downstairs. I close the door and throw my keys on the island. I open the fridge and grab myself a beer because why not? It's my beer and I need to get ready for this party. Knowing Chris and Jack and on how they always handle and throw parties, this one will be awesome as hell.

"Dude, when the hell is Jack coming anyways? We need him to get ready for all of this. I can't do this by myself you know." I set the beer bottle down and I roll my eyes at Chris.

"You know I can help you right? Also, Jack's coming in an hour, he still has class." Chris groans for a very long period of time until he stops and looks right at me.

"Don't kid yourself Green, you don't help for parties. I do everything for them because lucky for you, I actually care when I throw a party." I pick up the beer and drink it as I shrug at Chris.

"Not my fault dude. I honestly don't give a fuck about parties. I'm just throwing one so I don't bore myself to death around this house and so you can be happy for once." Chris approaches me and grabs a beer bottle from the fridge as well.

"I'm always happy. What the hell do you mean by that?"

"I mean that you always act like shit all the time. Yeah sure, your sometimes fun but I know for sure that you'd just wanna sleep for the rest of the day in bed and not talk for ages." Chris' jaw drops and I laugh as I just noticed that I've shocked him.

"Shut the fuck up. That's you! You're basically describing you! That's not me, no way. I don't act like that. I'm not that depressing. You, on the other hand, are extremely depressing. You get into fights for no good reason, just like in the morning, and you look like someone took your dog. Cheer up for once and don't blame this all on me. Maybe you should find a girl tonight before you go all depressing on me and Jack for the rest of our shitty lives. End of conversation."

Now, this is where my jaw drops and I'm left standing here like some lost little boy without his mom. Chris walks away from me and ends up going downstairs to get more beer I guess. Is he right though? Am I really that depressing? I take another sip of my beer and sit down as I let my thoughts wander about that conversation I just had with Chris.

"Jesus, are you turning old or what?" My thoughts vanish and I turn around to see Jack leaning on the wall, just staring at me. He throws his keys into the air and catches them, and he probably does that shit for about twenty times until he stops.

"Yo, am I depressing?" Jack walks up to me and sits in the chair that's right beside of me.

"Depressing? Who the fuck told you that?" I laugh as I know for sure that the name I'm going to say won't be surprising to him.

"Chris. Who else?" Jack nods and sighs as he shouts Chris' name and that's when I hear footsteps coming up the stairs. Thanks a lot, Jack.

"Hey idiot, why the hell did you tell Carter that he's depressing?" Chris, who is holding boxes of beers, places them down on the ground and cracks his back like he's some old person.

"I don't know. What the hell are you getting so fired up about though?" Jack sighs and gets up as he looks at Chris and me.

"Because now he's asking me if he's depressed and I know for sure that I'm not going to give him this whole speech about him not being depressing. You started this, you end it."

"What? I started nothing! I just said that he was depressing meaning that he acts sad all the time. I didn't mean that he's bipolar or anything and wants to end his life in a way, I just meant that he acts all sad. Like in the morning he didn't even know what day it was today. He thought it was Monday Jack. Monday! What the hell was I going to say then? Sure little Carter, it sure is Monday around here. It's fucking Friday!!!"

Chris is now getting fired up at Jack and me and I now think that it was a bad idea to even ask Jack if I was I depressing. I stand up and shout at Jack and Chris to shut up but nothing happens. All right then. I grab the beer bottle and do the stupidest thing in the world. I drop it on the goddamn floor and all I can hear is the shattering noise coming from it. Jack and Chris stop yelling at each other and they're eyes are all on me now. Finally.

"What the hell Carter, you didn't have to drop it. Now you made a mess. Great." I roll my eyes at Jack and grab the paper towel roll and throw it at him.

"Yeah, I know. And you're going to clean this shitty mess because it's not my fault you guys act like children for no goddamn reason. Jack, you clean this mess up and Chris, you get this party ready. I'll be in my room." I step over the glass pieces of the bottle and I walk away from them and head upstairs to my room. I slam my bedroom door and flop on my bed as that whole fight we just had made me wonder why the hell do I even live with them?

Oh yeah, they're basically family. Jack's my cousin and so, of course, his family but Chris has been my best friend since elementary school. Without them, I'm hopeless in life. I groan as I hear my phone buzz and I know for sure that it's either them calling me from downstairs because their too goddamn lazy to even walk up here and talk to me in person. Or, it's either the devil calling in warning that he's going to drag me all the way down to hell. I rather choose the second one. I stand up and pick up my phone and that's when I swear.

"Hi, mom..." I'm shaking right now on what to say to her because I never really know what to say to my mother. I just pray that I'm not in trouble and that nothing bad has happened.

"Carter Alexander Green, you are in so much trouble." Shit. When my mother says my entire name, that's when I know I'm in trouble. Hell, that's when everyone knows that they're in trouble. Mom's don't kid when they say your entire name.

"Uh, is this where I should ask what I did to get in trouble?" I can hear my father's voice in the background, telling her to calm down, but knowing my mother, that doesn't happen in life.

"Carter, I can't do this anymore. Can you please tell me about why you haven't been in your classes for over weeks now? Your professors have called me and they told me everything. On you not going to class and that you haven't even handed any work in! You have two weeks to hand in over ten assignment, and if you don't hand them in on time, they're going to kick you out of college Carter. Kick. You. Out."

A lot of things are going through my brain right now, and it's not just my mother yelling in my ear, it's on how stupid I've been for these few weeks. Jack's right, I really messed up, and there's no way that I can finish all of these assignments in just two weeks.

"Your professors want you to get a tutor, Carter. Not because if your stupid or anything, but because you need help finishing these assignments." I fall on the bed and I'm rubbing my eyes to make this bad dream go away.

"Mom, I don't need some tutor. I'm fine." I'm in a whole lot of shit.

"Oh no, you're listening to me on this and if you don't, you're coming back here and living with your father and me again." There is no way in hell am I living with my parents again. I'm twenty-one years old, trying to figure out what to do in life. If I live with them, I might just live with them for the rest of my goddamn life!

"Fine. Who's the tutor?" I'm praying that it might be Jack or Chris because they're not stupid. I am.

"I don't know Carter. I believe they told me it was a girl, with very high marks in all of her classes and she tutors a lot of people. Please, just please agree with me on this and let her tutor you. You need to finish all of these assignments on time or else your stuck living with us. Deal?"

I'm basically pacing around my room right now and trying to figure out what's best for me right now. There is no way in hell am I going to be those kids who live with their parents until they grow old and shit. But I don't want some geeky, girl tutoring me. It's either living with parents or getting tutored by some girl.

"Deal." And that's that. I shut the phone off and end the call with my mom without even saying goodbye. Yeah, I'm an asshole. I'm trying to figure out on how I'm going to tell Chris and Jack about this and about how I might just lose this house and my soul. Oh yeah, and my education. Maybe a girl tutoring me won't be that bad right? Yeah, it's going to be a living hell for me, Jack and Chris. Okay, just me, but it's better than moving in with my parents.

Just thinking about that makes my whole body shake and also causing me to have a huge headache. This is it, Carter, you're really in deep shit, and this is where you're going to sink into the bottom of everything and die. With your parents of course. It's always with your parents and it's always going to be unless you pick yourself up and fix this. Fix this, with a damn tutor. Yeah, my life is super awesome right now. Just awesome.

“I have a motto”


"This is going to end really bad, you know that right?" I'm in my room right now, with my sister curling my hair and making sure I look good for the party.

"No, it won't. Now stop moving and let me make you sexy." I roll my eyes and my sister pulls on my hair as she just noticed me rolling my eyes in the mirror. Stupid mirror.

"I saw that. Now hold still or I'm going to burn you. And it's not going to be by accident." I stop moving and grab my book and continue reading it while my sister basically burns my hair. I seem to have no control over her anymore.

"Can you stop reading for just once and act like you want to be going to this party?" I scoff and flip the page of my book and continue reading it.

"You do realize that you’re basically making me go to this party. Also, reading is amazing if you just find the perfect book and read it until the end. I'm not you who will just pick a book to pretend you’re smart in front of a hot guy." I continue reading and that's when I hear my phone ding. My sister stops curling my hair and picks up my phone and checks the text. I should really put a new password on my phone.

"You’re tutoring someone?" I stand up and rip the phone out of my sister's hands and check on what the hell she's actually talking about.

"Oh wow. I guess I am." I actually got an email from one of my professors telling me on how I'm doing super well in all of my classes and on how they picked me to tutor someone that needs help to hand on a lot of assignment in a matter of two weeks.

"When are you starting?" I scroll down and I groan as this is all going to happen tomorrow at lunch until basically the afternoon. So basically, four hours with some kid who needs help for completing assignments in time. Great.

"Tomorrow. Lunch." My sister nods and laughs at how funny she actually thinks this is.

"And you’re laughing because you like seeing me in pain?" My sister continues to laugh but then stops as she grabs the curler and continues to curl my hair, standing up.

"No, no. It's just that now you're going to waste your time with some guy who doesn't know what to do and he'll just make you do all his work.

"What makes you think its a guy? It could be a girl. Plus, I won't do their work Lila, I'm not that stupid." My sister stops curling and turns me around to take a good look at me.

"I. Am. Amazing. Look." She points at the mirror behind me and I turn around to see what she actually did to me. I'm surprised by how Lila made my hair so pretty. It's all curly and long and I love how it just falls down on my back.

"Now, makeup." I turn around right away as I hear that horrific word come out of her mouth.

"Haha, no. I told you, no makeup. Maybe a bit lip gloss, but no makeup." Lila groans and jumps like some little kid who wants something that she can't have.

"But you would look so beautiful with makeup on Taylor. What's the problem?" I bite my lip and wonder if maybe makeup would look good on me. It's not like I've never put it on or anything, it's just stupid. Okay yeah, I'm twenty-one years old and a girl who thinks makeup is stupid. Maybe I should've been born a guy.

"Lila, it's not that, it's just that I feel like when I put makeup up, I don't feel like me. I look different, weird, unusual, like some alien that's trying to fit in." I walk to the mirror and I stare at my face like there's something wrong with it. Wrong with me.

"Look, Taylor, you're beautiful okay? Even more beautiful than me and it's funny about how you really don't need any makeup since your face is basically beautiful without it. You're a model. It's funny about how you don't see it though. Cause I do. Everyone does Taylor, except you. Why's that?"

"I don't know. Maybe because I'm not that narcissistic like the other girls around here?" Lila laughs and I laugh too as we both know that it's the truth on what I just said. Every girl around campus is just completely narcissistic and it's amazing on why guys like them. I mean, a lot of guys are very narcissistic as well but it's mostly the girls around here. It's amazing on how I'm not even close to acting like them and Lila isn't either.

"You are so right. Also, I'm doing a smokey eye look on you so shut up. Oh, and can you please try this dress?" This is going to be a horrible idea but it is a party. Would I really wear some dress for just a party? Maybe.

"Uh... what kind of dress?" Lila squeals like some little kid and walks to her closet and pulls out about three dresses. One is a light pink dress with an open cut in the back and also the front, of course, the other dress is a cute short but not that short black dress, but I know by the look of that dress, it's going to be skin tight. And last but not least, the smallest and most showing red dress I have ever seen in my entire life. All I know is, not the red one.

"There is no way am I wearing the red one. It's too short for me Lila, and just by walking the dress is going to ride up and show my butt."

"And that is why you have to wear it to the party! Your legs are going to look so amazing in this dress." I cross my arms and raise my eyebrow as my sister absolutely thinks that it's going to look awesome on me. Yeah, no.

"Not wearing that. What don't you wear that and I'll wear something else." Lila picks up the red dress and looks like she's considering wearing that dress. Dear god, help me.

"Fine fine, what about the black dress? It would look so good on you since you have a remarkable body and your blue eyes will also pop up even more! It'll be beautiful!" I roll my eyes and wonder what will happen if I even wear the dress. I swear that a guy for sure will come up to me and try to put his flirty moves on and think that I will so flirt back. Lucky for them that I don't even flirt with guys. Let alone talk to them.

"If I wear this dress, will you please shut up and also not talk to any guys at the party?" Lila bites her lip and thinks for about a second until he nods.

"Fine. I won't talk to any guys to at the party even though I do have a boyfriend." I roll my eyes. "But, you're talking to them." My jaw drops and I'm left looking like Lila just stole something valuable of mine.

"No way. You know me, I don't flirt with guys and I don't even talk to them. Didn't I tell you my motto?"

"What motto?" I laugh as I remember that I've told her this motto more than ten times and somehow she stills forgets it.

"Guys are assholes and I am too." Lila nods as she now remembers what my motto is and how its the truth.

"You are so weird. Please don't say that at the party or else I'm going to tell everybody that I don't know you. Also, you're my ride home." I sit on my bed and grab my book so I can put it in my drawer.

"Why am I your ride? Just get Shawn to drive or better yet, don't drink." Lila laughs as we both know that it won't happen. Lila will drink, I won't. That's how we roll as sisters and we don't really mind how we're so different all the time. All of our friends know how different we are and even our own parents.

"Please, you know me. Plus it's a party, are you not going to drink? Like at all?" I shake my head and flop on the bed but then get up as I hear Lila screaming for me not to mess up my hair.

"I'm not even going to accept any drinks, Lila. I'm just going to drink some water or pop, but first I'm going to smell it so I know nobody put something in there. Lucky for you, I'm smart. I'm going to be smelling your drink too." Lila groans and picks up the tight black dress and throws it at me, straight at my face.

"Just shut up and put the damn dress on. We're leaving in ten minutes." Lila walks out of my room, heading straight to the bathroom to do her makeup I guess. I sigh and pick up the dress and study it. It does look beautiful, yet I know for sure it's going to show a lot of my skin. I close my bedroom door and take off my shorts and shirt and then I take off my bra since this dress doesn't even need one. Thanks a lot, Lila.

I put the dress on and try to make sure that my hair doesn't get caught and loses its curls. I make sure that the dress is long enough to cover my butt, and it does. Phew. It's long enough to cover my butt but I know for sure that if I just move around, something is going to pop out, and it won't be my butt. I turn around and look at myself in the mirror and I groan at how sexy this does look. I actually do look beautiful though and I can't believe that Lila was telling the truth about me in this dress.

She was right, I am sexy. Great, now I sound like every narcissistic girl in this stupid world. I turn around to check my back and by how long this cut goes down. The open cut in the back goes all the way down the half of my lower back which frightens me by how long it is.

I then turn around and my eyes widen. There is a huge huge v-cut on the dress that shows off my breasts yet I'm also surprised by how good they look. How did I not see the front cut on the dress? The dress is also tight and so it hugs in all my curves, showing each of everything. Wonderful. NO NOT WONDERFUL! Maybe this is a bad idea. A horrible idea.

"Oh my god! You look so hot!" My head jerks to the right as I see Lila standing in front of my door wearing the red dress and look fabulous as always. The dress is not that extremely short, but I'm still trying not to tell her that since I might sound like our own mother.

"Are you sure it's not too much?"

"It's barely anything. Don't worry, you're fine." I roll my eyes and look back in the mirror and trying to turn around to see if my butt shows or if a boob will pop out or just anything.

"Plus, your hair and makeup look amazing. Damn Shistar! Now, put on some heels and let's go to the party!"

"Lila you sound like James Charles. Also heels? You want me to wear heels? I'm going to trip Lila." Lila sighs as she now remembers how clumsy I am and if I even wear heels, I won't survive in them.

"Ugh fine. Just wear some sandals then. Sexy sandals." Lila walks over to the closet and pulls out a pair of black high heels for her of course, and a pair of sandals that are somewhat sparkly on the laces. I grab the sandals and put them on my feet and I grab the laces and tie them around my ankle. Some weird fashion these days. I tie a perfect bow and stand straight up as I see Lila struggling to put on her heels.

"Well then, I guess sandals aren't that stupid after all." Lila gives me a death stare and I laugh as I pick up my phone off the counter and check the email again that I got from one of my professors. I sigh as I now gotta make space for some guy or girl that need help for handing in their assignments.

It's nothing bad or anything, but I do have a job and homework and lots of other stuff besides that. Just tutoring for about four hours is a lot of work and I wish that they picked someone else, but of course, it had to be me. Who was it going to be anyway? Lila? Please, that girl needs a tutor herself. I shut off my phone and grab a small handbag so I can put my phone in and not lose it during the party.

"Ready?" I tell Lila and she smiles and winks at me as she grabs a bag herself and punches me in the shoulder as she walks by.

"Ow." I rub the spot on where she punched me and in hope that it won't form a bruise tomorrow. That would just be horrible. Lila rushes all the way down the hallway and opens the door as I'm basically all the way behind her.

It's funny how Lila is super excited about this stupid thing that she calls a "party" and on how I'm praying that nothing bad happens during that party and hoping that no guy will hit on me or anything. I think I'm just going to pray all through the night and in hope that I'll be fine. I'll also pray for Lila of course because we all know that this girl needs at least a bit praying for this party. Who am I kidding, she needs a lot of praying. Even more than me.

I'm a sucker for pain


"This is awesome!!!" Chris yells in my ear so loud that I think I just lost hearing because of him. The party is finally happening and it's only been an hour and it's already turned into a mess. Everyone is drinking beer and dancing their heads off and basically, all the rooms must be filled with people banging each other.

"I'm going to be right back!" Chris laughs and nods as about a group of girls come his way and start dancing with him. Thank god for hot girls. I go to the kitchen and it's a mess of course. Beer bottles everywhere on the island, cups on the ground and some bottles of vodka are even on the ground too.

My nose alerts something like the smell of weed comes from the kitchen. Oh, hell no. I walk away from the kitchen, to the backyard as the smell becomes more strong as I come close to it. No. No. No.

I step outside and all I see are a group of big ass guys smoking weed. I'm so dead. The last party I threw was about a month ago and I got in so much trouble because of this guys. They smoked so much weed that the whole neighborhood smelled it and called the damn cops. I was in luck that I didn't go to jail or anything because of those idiots.

But now, who knows what might just happen to me. I walk to the group of guys who are smoking weed, making me almost choke by the smell. I'm not quite fond of weed because the smell is really strong and it basically burns my nostrils because of it.

"Yo. Idiots." The group of guys is laughing as their basically high on the weed and they turn around as they hear my voice.

"What's up, Carter. Sweet party bro." One of the guys in the group says and I shake my head as I really want to rip that weed out of their hands and throw it in the damn garbage.

"Yeah, thanks. Not being rude or anything but you gotta get this shit out of here." One of the guys stand up and now I'm regretting doing this. I should've just let Chris or Jack do this shit, but now it's too late. This guy is super big and taller then I and I know for sure that I'm not willing to fight this guy.

"What's your problem?" I clench and unclench my hand right now and I'm getting super triggered because of this guy.

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