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I Need To Find A Boyfriend Fast!


Mario V. Farina

Copyright 2018 Mario V. Farina

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Mario V. Farina


"I need to find a boyfriend fast, Jan!" I said. I was on the phone with my long-time friend.

"Do you really mean a husband?" she responded with only a partial smile in her voice.

I suppose I should have expected a sarcastic response. She was going through a trying time with Frank Collins, her fiancé. "Oh, Jan," I responded cautiously, "you know how prudish I am. Of course, I mean boyfriend!"

"Sorry, Evie," she said. "Tell me; what's going on?"

"It's Mr. Pruit," I said. "Since his wife divorced him a year ago, he's been like a rampaging wolf on the prowl; acting more like a suitor than a boss. In the Ladies Room, even women half his age are complaining."

"You, too, Evie?"

"Especially me, Jan! He boldly came to my apartment last night, uninvited, and brusquely informed me that he loved me and intended to marry me! I was so freaked out, I shouted I couldn't do this; I already had a boyfriend and was engaged! He hollered back he didn't believe me and left in a rage!"

"Did you go to work today?"

"Yes. I need the job! It was like I was having a nightmare! He called me into his office and shut the door. I was so frightened, I don't know why I didn't pass out. Without even asking me to sit down, he said, 'That thing you said last night, prove it!' Then he flung open the door and ominously said, 'Get out!' I told the receptionist I was ill and went home."

"Evie, you've got to complain higher up!"

"To whom, Jan? He owns the place!"

"You need to quit!"

"Jan, I need the job! He'll say I quit without a good reason and deny me unemployment benefits!"

"How about the police!"

"I can't! He'll say I'm lying and I'll still lose my job!"

"Yes, I can see you have a predicament," said Jan. "And you're saying you need to find a boyfriend fast? For heaven sakes, why? Mr. Pruitt is ready, willing, and waiting! This time, there was a tinge of humor in her voice."

"Jan, I know you're joking. I can't even smile at that. I'm terrified! I thought your boyfriend, Frankie, would be willing to be a pretend boyfriend for a day. I know this is a bad time to be asking. How are things going between you and Frankie?"

"We decided to break up, Evie. We've known each other since childhood, and have been like brother and sister, but never an ideal couple to be married. We always thought marriage would be automatic, but we've decided marriage, for us, would be wrong. He's a very nice guy, but our temperaments are too dissimilar. We both know that now! But, why do you believe Frankie, acting as your boyfriend, could help you?"

"First, let me tell you how sorry I am to hear what you're saying about the break-up, Jan. I haven't known Frankie as well as you, but always had good feelings about him. How brave it is of you and him to make such a life-changing decision!"

"Concerning my request, I thought Frankie and I could go see Mr. Pruitt, hand-in hand, in a lovey-dovey, sort of way! This would 'prove' to him that I do have a boyfriend, and couldn't possibly consider marrying him. This would stop him from being amorous toward me, and it would save my job!"

"Great plan, Evie," my friend replied. "Don't hang up. Wait a few minutes. I'll give Frankie a call right now!"

I wasn't expecting this, but was delighted to hear her suggest it. This may be a good time for me to tell you a little about myself and my friend, Jan. She and I live in the same apartment complex. I'm 25. She is about 21, and has been going with a nice young man named Frankie Collins almost her entire life. As for me, I've dated but have never been engaged nor married. Perhaps, I've been too picky about men. I work at Ajax Products as an accountant. Mr. Allen Pruitt is my manager.

It was about five minutes before Jan's voice came back, but the wait was well worth it. She had good news! She told me Frankie would be happy to help me! He would be waiting for me at 9 a.m. the following morning, which was my starting time, at the steps of the Ajax Building. I had a hard time sleeping that night. My heart was bubbling with delight.

I knew Frankie by sight because of my association with Jan. As I was arriving at work, I saw him waiting in my parking slot. He was a good-looking man, about six feet tall, husky, with dark hair and a permanent smile on his face. He stepped out of the way when he saw me approaching, and opened the car door for me as I exited the Subaru.

He was dressed differently than I had expected. He was wearing a western shirt and a jet-black, leather jacket. His unshaven face was almost half covered with a pair of large goggles. There were leather gloves on his hands. There were also huge black boots on his feet that added inches to his already-ample height. Today, he didn't look as appealing to me as he usually did.

We exchanged pleasantries and entered the building. There was a short hallway leading to the room in which I worked. We joined hands and walked jauntily down the hall to where I worked, then through the entrance door, and directly to where Mr. Pruitt had his office. He was sitting at an elaborate oaken desk engrossed in paperwork. He looked up when he saw us coming. I thought he would smile when seeing us; instead, he appeared confused. Frankie and I remained standing still holding hands. I spoke first. "Mr. Pruitt," I began, "you made a request last night, and I am here in response to it. I'd like to introduce my fiancé, Frank Collins. We have been dating for several months, and recently became engaged. We have been planning an autumn wedding. I know you probably wish us the best of everything, now, in the years to come, and forevermore!"

I had memorized that statement, and, much to my surprise, the words came out exactly as I had planned. I had not discussed it with Frankie before-hand because I intuitively felt that, even if some of it was untrue, or exaggerated, or even fantasized, the meeting would go well. I had faith that all Frankie would want to do was help me, and nothing else would matter.

Mr. Pruitt's face turned into an impenetrable mask. I could not tell what his reaction was. Frankie held out his hand; Mr. Pruitt took tentative hold of it and shook it so slightly, the action was nearly indiscernible. "I'm happy to meet you," he muttered.

"Likewise, I'm sure!" responded Frankie forcefully, and began vigorously shaking the two hands which were still joined together.

"What do you do?" murmured the older man almost inaudibly.

"I'm Captain of the Chain-Dragging Motorcycle Club, CDMC," he stated proudly. "You may have heard of us! The members pay me for what I do!" He paused for a moment. Then he grinned and chuckled. Seemingly, as an afterthought, he added, "They'd better!"

"C-Chain-Dragging Club?" Mr. Pruitt asked. "Motorcycles? Why do you drag chains?"

"We groove making a lot of noise when we ride around the neighborhoods!" Frankie stated. "Lettin' 'em know we're around! Yeah, the cops are a nuisance. But we talk to 'em! Nice like! You know! They don't bother us much. Live and let live! You know? Yeah, we wear out a lot of chains! No problem! We have our own forge in the basement of the clubhouse. We make our own chains when the supply runs out!"

"And does Ms. Gilbert, here, ride with you when you go dragging chains?" Mr. Pruitt hesitatingly asked.

"Yeah, sure! She's my, amorosa!"

"Amarosa? What's that?"

"Amarosa!, Amarosa! You know, loved-one! My damsel! the woman in my life, the one I protect. Like in the days of the brave knights. She's the gal I show chivalry to! You know! An amarosa is the girl club-members love like nobody's business. The one we make sure no harm comes to! You know what I mean?"

"Y-yes, yes I do. I can see you take good care of your ama-what you said. That would be Ms. Gilbert?"

"Yeah, sure! My Evie here. She's my amarosa. Nobody better never bother her! They would have me to answer to! You know what I'm saying?"

"I understand! I understand! I can assure you, she'll never have no trouble here!"

"Aw, you didn't have to say dat. I knew I could rely on you! By the way, she went home sick yesterday. She said it was something that happened here. She'll get paid for the time off, no?"

"No problem, no problem!" Mr. Pruitt turned to face me. "This has been a pleasant meeting for me, Evie," he said. "If you want, you can take the rest of the day off! With pay of course!" His countenance was one of utter resignation.

"Thank you very much, Mr. Pruitt," I said. "That's very nice of you."

Throughout the meeting, Frankie and I had been holding hands. Unexpectedly, he raised both to his lips and kissed my hand. "Shall we go, babe?" he asked. "Yes, darling," I responded, and turned slightly to face my supervisor. "Thank you for everything, Mr. Pruitt," I said. "See you tomorrow as usual!" His expression never changed. He simply nodded. Frankie and I left his office, and were soon walking through the hall toward the building's exit.

"Frankie," I asked, "what was all that business about being Captain of the Chain Draggers? And I don't remember you ever wearing such gaudy clothing. That was all made up, wasn't it?"

"Yes, Evie," he said. "I wanted to look and sound real ominous. I borrowed the clothes from my friend, Chet, a motorcycle guy. I never even sat on a motorcycle. Do you think he got the message?"

"I'm sure he did, Frankie," I said. "I think you scared him a lot!"

"I'm not like that in real life, Evie," he said. "I used the lingo I've seen in movies and on TV!

"That's good to know," I said. "I was shocked when I saw you standing in my parking spot looking the way you did. I didn't know if you were the Frankie I used to know!" I smiled indicating I was joshing.

"He gave you the rest the day off, Evie," he said. "It's a nice day. Do you think we could find some chains and go dragging them downtown?"

"No", I said. "I skipped breakfast this morning, and I'm hungry. Do you suppose we could take my car and find a nice diner where you could treat me to a nice meal?"

"I'd love that!" he said. "And, maybe, many more after that! Let's do it!"

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