Excerpt for For Whom Do You Bleed? by , available in its entirety at Smashwords

For Whom Do You Bleed?

Published by Andrew Legend at Smashwords

Copyright 2018 Andrew Legend

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

The Helena font is copyright protected. It is NOT freeware or shareware. copyright © 2007 Marcio Hirosse, copyright © Fabrika De Typos

I purchased the right to use it.

Poetry needs voice. Poetry is best read when read out loud.

People cast their secrets down deep fathoms in their mind

but withholding truth is as sinful as telling a lie

And down deep in lost memories' keep it's as a sickness sewn

and insidiously a solemn ache commences and thereafter is grown

To tell lies or hide truths weaves a life of lies one lives

but why hex oneself so, for only when in confidence forgives?

Everyone must share their secrets to heal their misery

my deepest are confided into elusive poetry

Bound as ink into words my secrets 'till life's end

allies come and go, yet this book, I confide into my life-long friend.

- Andrew







A new soul and mind opens up to his new world born into

full of life, loving life, but learning life needs begin to

Young and innocent, the world seems to innocently surround

he's but in the calm eye of the world that whirls around

This life is his story, and he is the center of the plot

and the plot only thickens whether he knows about it or not.

Some learn life by advice' heed or of special intuition

but others only through strife of experience' submission

One must adapt wisdom or one will strive on whim

he'll either change his life or his life will change him

Some, despite ruins, stead their heart and mind stay open

while others, hurt blind, seal all behind hatred’s omen.

I'm a young man of dream and pride

the door is open always wide

the light is on please come inside

I want never me to hide

I'm a true man in need of fulfill

the door's been closed to keep out the chill

the light is dimmed but on it is still

I watch the door with heart and will

I'm a scarred man resisting sin

the door's still closed but bolt is not in

the light's burned out and forgotten

my hopes have aged, decayed and rotten

I'm a faded man who lost my goal

the door is bolted, do not toll

the lightlessness has swallowed me whole

my pain ended when I lost my soul...

It’s shame that life should be unfair

I love you all, please hear my call

ny last message to say I care

it’s time we spent in coincide

that forged in one our bounded lives

we seem to’ve gone our sep’rate ways

I’ve never left you, to be true

my love is shown in all my days

I dedicate my strength to you

we’re always friends despite my place

I’m not away to separate

it's my calling I'm away to face

so you see we’re closer still

much closer than we ever were

our future as one by my will

it took a lot to take my task

but in the end I know it’s true

we’re side by side despite horizon's vast

you are all to me that ever mattered

For upon your memory, energy's drawn

I stand with you despite space's scattered

I hope time crosses split paths we're on

it seems life is so unfair

I love you so, please see I care

my dear friends.

Walking down that lonely road

I had to see where this path goes

on and on it bends and bows

where it takes me – nobody knows

But oh what awaits me?

To what does it take me?

should I find heaven or should I find hell?

one foot in front of the other is what will tell.

It's time for me

to try the sea

of possibilities

This life I lead

so forwardly

is not meant for me

i need to reach

and then to breach

the horizons within me

To the sky and beyond

abandoning the warm sun

not merely one of everyone

let adventure guide my way

not heeding what north star's say

and inner fears I disobey

Maybe I'll be so lonely

but I'll marry my uncharted path to destiny

the name my mother gave me won't end on headstone's bleak

adventure set me free as a legend of eternity!

Amongst a world I've come to know

angels and demons in this purgatory

age gives wisdom unheard to young ears

I have not heeded, and so I am alone.

Years went by, I stood alone

facing my future embold

and softened now this skin turning stone

as a chapter of love unfold.

cast upon by autumn eyes

and now I deeply know

I feel within a young fire tries

it was you who kindled it's glow

So I write to you of what you mean to me:

Your presence, an autumn breeze

your voice is soft and cool.

see your smile, I feel at ease

you give my days' renewal.

Day by day I'm seeing you

I tell you what I see:

each passing day, it's more true

I feel we're meant to be.

you give me hope, joy, pride

a star to which I need to align

you're my luminance inside

I wish only you would be mine.

To the lady whose every step to me is a shimmer

glows beauty on the out with all the beauty in her

To the lady whose affinity gives peace

gives purpose, gives energy, gives life, gives release

To the lady whom in heart holds like a secret

passion, in purity, in heart forever keeps it

It is my honor to send to you this token

with admiration in which only poetry could it be spoken

You deserve this, nothing less and everything more

if love you would return, it's everything I'd live for.

As much as you need her to warm through to you

you may still feel like your heart hasn't her as home

As close as you hold her to you

you may find you still feel all alone

As may times she may say she loves you

lack of actions speak louder than word

Of all the words with love spoken of love from you

She acts as if they've always gone unheard

Every piece of your heart given by you

she carelessly never tends to restore

As whole as promised she would make you

you find yourself left as broken as before

As much compassion she receives from you

is never as much as is returned

And every passing day you wait for compassion taught by you

those days were numbered to your lesson learned.

Reflecting on the past I never had with you

through all these years I only realize I'm only through

I never meant to be bitter with a better friend

but this is the beginning of a biting cold bitter end

that day was supposed to make you happy ever after

but it was with me and so it was a day of disaster

In all the photographs of us I wonder

who really should have stood with you at that alter

I need to give up this needless woe

and leave the chase of merely love's shadow

What does she consider me?

What does she think I should do?

My love wedded to someone else

why not love her when I trouble loving you?

Day by day, night by night

I'm fighting with myself, no one's winning

I think that I can't make up my mind

to end it all and have with her a new beginning

she is what poses a complicated question

and the answer's simply in her smile

while my mind is bound in indecision

I've been pondering that pretty answer all the while

that glitter

When you said "I do" now I ask "why"

why not part from your broken home

all these years, love was an alibi?

But if you're gone, I'm not alone

when she glitters

can she make up my mind

new love grows where the dead one withers

draw me forward so I leave this behind

her shimmering stare and smile, it glitters

You love to hate to love

Drag me into the depths of your hate withered existence

pull apart my dreams from the inside of me I let you entrance

Smile trigger-happy only bares fangs in mouth

feed poisoned memories into reality to drown me down

The past cannot be the present if I am to have a future

let go my cut wrists my sweetly psycho silent murderer

My blood runs hot along the groove of your red Kris

I wanted us to end but never wanted to end like this

You love to hate to love to hate to love to hate to love to hate to love to hate to love to hate to love to hate to love to hate to love to hate to love to hate to love to hate to love to hate to love to hate to love to hate

Dive bomb into the atmosphere of my catastrophic mind

the turbulence I'm ripping through of what I've been inside

Inside and outside I turn from the fire my guilt and innocence started

abandoning in the flames the deathly feeding fate from which I departed

You and I tormented me from the lies I understood so well

stay and die or painfully leave with life, why wait for time to tell

Hold me to the cliff

the one on the side of the mountain we climbed together

the mountain is haloed in red thunder clouds of hatefully waiting weather

Push me to the edge

but telling me that my everything should die

I turned I ran I jumped And I tried away to fly

I'm flying downward away from your anti-faith

I'm dive bombing into peace in a wretched way

Praying for release – but she ‘s not there to catch me.

To say goodbyes in words never said

peace never spoken

over bonds ever broken

can't live what is better dead

When different lives we lead

and with bitterness neither could concede

But in those years there were those days

that were brighter

nights we held each other tighter

even the eyes they tell us lies

we both saw in each other all we ever wanted

but ever since we were together it was each other we haunted

It's only your higher qualities

that I would stress to boast

and the better of moments which we had that I held onto most

through thick and thin, thin and thick

and after the bitter end

now I'm not close, but never far and always still a friend.

This should not be forgotten, but perhaps forgiven

I'll forgive you

if you forgive me, too.

I, man, am the armored one

the man within is often unsung

on the outside, iron

is the inside wood?

I'm not misunderstanding

just misunderstood

I am a fortress

strong within these walls

I need another one inside

if I am to feel at all

I am undefeatable

for the one I gift the key

I am man, but a man only

if I am the man of a lady.

To the angel I couldn't have:

I give my affinity that couldn't be

with communication that I couldn't free

with your every smile that was meant for me

that I want acknowledge eventually

But the eventually is finally now

I want to catch up with every word I couldn't say somehow

now that it's over, now that I'm allowed

Only now you do not smile, but distantly frown

I'm alone in the world of night

you helped me see with your angel's light

in a cold aura of indignant spite

like the sun you warm with angel's light

You've always appeared beautiful in facet

but you are beyond what eyes do see

with you, in a single passing moment

I felt life inside me

It felt like there was not much left of me

a part of me died in recent days

leaving me with myself, lonely

to ponder my wandering ways

Sleeping but not dreaming

haunted by quiet lonesomeness

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(Pages 1-26 show above.)